Ironic Pills

I pop the pill out of the container and laugh.

“Who would have thought that a person who cannot get pregnant without major medical intervention would be taking birth control?!”

Seems a bit laughable to be taking a contraception when we are trying to get pregnant but I understand it’s all a part of the process.

Two weeks of birth control pills followed by an ultrasound and bloodwork to see how my body has recovered from this last round of medications.

If all looks good, we will begin the medications to prepare my body for the transfer.

It’s a LONG process from the moment we hear we have an embryo to transfer.

Here’s the breakdown of what’s to come:

  • 14 days on birth control
  • Blood work and ultrasound to make sure there are no issues from the retrieval such as cysts or other masses that might pull the medication away from the body
  • Begin Estrace medication (3x a day)
  • Appx 13 days of Estrace medication
  • Blood work and ultrasound to check the thickness of the uterine lining  
  • Continue Estrace medication
  • Begin progesterone oil shots (deep muscle)
  • 5 days of progesterone oil shots
  • Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET)
    Continue progesterone oil shots
  • 12 days of waiting until blood test to determine HcG levels (i.e. pregnancy test)

Dr. Brahma was kind enough to give us some time over a video call to talk through what has happened and where we are going.

She shared that of the two blastocysts that made it to day 5, one was missing a part of chromosome 22 and would have not either implanted or made it to be a chemical pregnancy.

The other blastocyst looks healthy and has all the genetic chromosomes to be a healthy baby.

There are a few statistics she wanted us to know, just so we are aware.

The day of the transfer, they will take the frozen embryo out of the freezer and thaw the embryo. There is a 99% success rate for thawing well, where the cells are mobile and ready. Of the 1% they still can transfer knowing that the cells that are not mobile on the day of the thawing/transfer can be recreated in the upcoming months in the womb.

The more jarring number though is that there is a 60-65% success rate of a embryo making it to the week 6 ultrasound with a heartbeat.

That means 2/3rds of the transfers are a success.

I will admit, my fear is that we will be a part of the 1/3rd that the embryo does not make it and we are left without a baby.

I feel the fear creep in.

How can we go through all of this and be so let down?
I don’t let my thoughts overtake me. I have to believe that we will be a part of the 2/3rds success just like we were with our daughter.

My next thought is that we were so very lucky and blessed to have our daughter that the odds are not in our favor- as if there is an allotment per person for successful IVF pregnancies and births and we have already had our success.

What twisted thinking I have- God, please take these negative thoughts.

Oh, that is right… God is in the center of all of this.

This is where I need to reframe my thinking to look for God’s will and His plans for this embryo.

Lord, if you want this little embryo that has grown to day 5 with normal genes to walk this earth, I will gladly house and bring this human into the world.

I have to remember, it’s not about me and what I want.

It’s about my prayers for my heart’s desire and my surrender to what is God’s will for me and our family.

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