August | 2018 | Hilary Maxwell

There’s always a wrench thrown into the mix of plans, right? Is it a wrench though, or is it a way of creating space for God’s timing to play out, just as it’s supposed to?

I’m grateful to have this happen at this stage as we are still making decisions.

The healthcare coverage we have is through a co-op of sorts. It’s not actual insurance. We pay into a pool with our monthly fee which is much less than what it would be for health insurance and we are 100% covered (no deductible) for emergencies that arise.

It’s been great for us up until now.

Here’s the issue. We came across these two bullet points in the guidelines under Ineligible bills:

Bills for fertility procedures or treatments, or bills from any complications arising from such treatment.
Bills for gestation or surrogate maternity procedures, including but not limited to in vitro fertilization (IVF) and pregnancies resulting from IVF, embryo implants or transplants, and gestation or surrogate procedures.

Bottom line: We cannot move forward with IVF until I am on another insurance.

We put our brainstorming caps on.

How can we get insurance coverage?

Hubby’s work is a possibility but they are about to be acquired by another company so the HR aspect of what is offered is up in the air.
He sends an email to his current HR to get some more information. They don’t know much and are going to have to do some digging.

We wait.

2. Shifts are happening at my place of work. Can this be a sign and ‘coincidence’ that God is working in this?

I am open to what is being revealed.

Currently, I work there part time and have my own practice part-time. Maybe this is the time to go fully into the job where I could get insurance coverage.

I can’t find peace as there are a few priorities that I am balancing.

God, I am open to what you’re trying to reveal to me. Show me what you want me to do.

In my quiet time, I see the need for an increase from 50% to 75% time for multiple reasons (for the place of work and for me) that would help the entire cause.

I ask my place of work.

I am asked to be patient.

As I wait, Hubby finds out that his old HR plan would not allow him to go onto insurance (because he’s also part-time), but that the new HR plan would!

Wahoo! Thank you, God! That’s incredible timing.

The one downside is that he won’t have access to the new HR insurance plan for 5 months.

Everything gets put on hold.

Why God? Why do we have to wait another 5 months before we can even start the procedures?

Turn it around Hil.

Be grateful for this opportunity. What an incredible blessing that at this exact time of needing insurance, Hubby’s place of work is going through this acquisition. An acquisition that was just announced a few weeks ago.

Turn it around to see that God’s timing is perfect and He is working in all of this.

There is a story to tell, a testimony to give. Let this be a part of the story of God’s ultimate plan.

I am not giving up on the fact that I might be able to get insurance through my place of work and then we can do IVF in the next few months.

I leave this in your hands, God. If this is your will, enable the increase, God.

Although my work is valued at my job, they cannot grant the increase of hours.

I understand.

My heart breaks, the lump in my throat forms.

They don’t know what this decision entails for us as a family. I do trust that it is what is supposed to be.

I spend the weekend processing this as I was hoping the doors would open and this would just be a sign that we are to proceed.

Maybe I can ask to go on the company insurance and pay full price at the group rate?

I can always ask.

God, why are you doing this to me? Haven’t I waited long enough?

Why are you placing us in a holding pattern to start our family?

Is this your way of creating a pause in our lives to see something we haven’t been looking at until now?

Do you not want us to do IVF and this is your way of creating a roadblock?

Or are you going to create a miracle in me in the next few months and give me a baby without needing IVF and this is the time you’re going to show me your all-powerful ways?

I am open to being humbled.

Take the IVF away from me if that is not your will for us, God.

It doesn’t feel right to continue. We have been praying over the past 8 cycles for God to gift us with a baby and the answer has not been in the direction of my desire. Is it me? Might I be too stressed with other responsibilities and commitments in my life that I am holding myself back from being able to conceive? My drive to create and do in life is a beautiful thing. Yet, it can quickly move into overdrive as I commit to doing too many things at one time, not leaving as much time to sit and be, rest and relax. Although I feel I have been slowing down so much more than I have in my previous years, I question if it’s been enough.

I can’t go down that road of ‘what if’ and so I will stop that line of thinking.

I emailed Dr G., asking his guidance as to what to do next. This downtime has been good for me to gain neutrality and a little perspective as I’m not ‘in’ the mix of medications and doctors appointments. It feels good to relax from it all.

Quite honestly, I was relieved when I received the response from Dr G.

It’s time to move forward into IVF, per his recommendation, stating we have tried many times and with the results thus far it’s the next step.

Not what I want to hear as I’m not sure I can justify spending the amount of money that has been quoted for IVF here in the States.

What I do know is that a child is a priceless gift and $20-50,000 may seem like pennies in the long-run. How will this work? I am still torn with what to do.

Why can’t someone just give me the answer? To do IVF or to adopt?

Hubby and I share opinions around IVF and come to the same conclusion, that we are both open to exploring the idea.

I can’t say I don’t feel uncomfortable as I know IVF is taking fertility to the next level and I want to be careful not to be putting my hope, fully into the world of medicine.

It’s a miracle that we cannot place an egg and sperm together

Now the options are between adoption and IVF.

I will begin my research on the varieties of clinics and pay scales associated with IVF.

This is where things stand:

We have looked into the following clinics and have set up consults with doctors in each clinic. Gather as much information as possible, that’s what I know to do.

CCRM (Colorado)
Conceptions (Colorado)
Dr. Trout (Colorado)
Shady Grove (Maryland)
ReProfit (Czech Republic)

We shall see what each says.

God help us to know your will and direction in this process. There are so many decisions to make and I don’t want to go down a road that is not going to be fruitful. I surrender this to you, Lord.