Bittersweet: week 37

What a gift these past nine-plus months have been for me. I can’t believe we are weeks away from meeting our baby girl!

It’s been a hot summer and yet I have been so fortunate to have time off from my work to sleep and take care of myself.

Over the past two weeks, my body is progressively feeling more sluggish and the water retention makes me feel like a water balloon.

Crazy to say, I LOVE this!

I really don’t want the pregnancy to end.

I know, I know. It will only get better when she is in my arms. I believe that to be true as well. But I will never be pregnant with her again.

I have loved feeling her kicking and moving on my insides.

Being with her everywhere I go.

I feel bonded and connected to her in a way that only a mother can and I am feeling this sense of gratitude for the mere opportunity to carry a child.

We have waited for FOUR YEARS as a couple to become pregnant.

I myself have wondered for 20 YEARS if I was going to be able to experience this incredible gift of pregnancy.

Now that I have been living it, I don’t want it to end.

I understand the purpose of pregnancy is to deliver and raise a baby to a child to a young adult.

For me though, I knew I would always have children (through adoption if needed) so I knew that the raising of a child would be in my future.

It’s this precious period and the gift of pregnancy that was so unknown to me- so desired.

Will I ever be able to experience pregnancy again?

I pray this to be the case.

At the same time, I’m aware that this may have been my one opportunity.

What a great one it has been.

I mourn the ending of such a sweet time in my life.

The way I feel in my body, carrying this life, is something I pray to never forget.

People look at me with a precious look of endearment and excitement.

I feel this look only happens to pregnant women.

Once Maxee comes, I will join the ranks of all the other women who are mothers and this special space of pregnancy will be in my past.

I’ve heard it said before, “don’t be sad that it’s over, but happy that it happened”.

I can soak in every moment of this pregnancy and know that I have made the very most of it.


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Many have commented that they ‘bet I’m ready for her to come out and have my body back’.

Partially yes, I’m ready to be able to roll over in bed or get off the couch without pulling on Hubby or strategically maneuvering my limbs to prop me up. I’m ready to get back to jogging and bending over to stretch my hamstrings.

In reality, though, I don’t want to wish away any minute of this gift.

God, thank you for gifting me with the experience of growing and carrying my child inside of me. Thank you for allowing me to share my body with this sweet little human and provide a safe and healthy home for her to grow and form.

Thank you for entrusting me with one of your precious children.

May these final weeks be savored and these 10 months be engrained in my memory as an example of your love, grace, almighty ability to create life and power for redemption.

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Babymoon with Cankles

Week 35- Florida beach.

With 7 days left in our window to fly before I am grounded, we hopped on the plane and headed for the white sand beaches and warm water of Ft. Lauderdale, FL. What a gift this was to experience the weightlessness of my body while wading in the salty water of the Atlantic. The waves were mere ripples and the clarity was astounding. Watching the schools of fish swim by as I gave Maxee the first experience of the ocean.

I know she didn’t feel the difference since she has been swimming her whole life, but the relief it brought me was fit to perfection.

The heat was a bit much for what I am used to and I rocked the pregnancy suit well. My typical position of laying on a towel- face down- while soaking in the sun was a distant thought, although it did cross my mind once to carve out a belly hole in the sand and nestle into the soft sand.

We walked up and down the Hollywood Beach boardwalk each night, people watching and listening to music. As the night wore on, my walk became a waddle and my ankles turned into cankles.

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We saw little Maxee’s at different ages playing in the water and walking the boardwalk- building our excitement of what we will be able to do with her once she arrives.

The years of building sandcastles and playing in the water that we have to look forward to.

Our mornings were slow, we enjoyed the relaxation and sleep-in time together and mostly soaked in the companionship we have come to rely upon.

Maxee is kicking and moving so much more in the past weeks and I can see her spunk when I sit down.

Hubby is growing more connected to her with each night we sit and watch her put on a show for us and we can only imagine what it will be like in a handful of weeks when she is in our arms, stealing the show once again.

We return to reality just shy of our 36 week- no travel- mark, rested and relaxed and ‘ready’ for her to come when she is supposed to.

One week later, I am just shy of 37 weeks and am doing everything I can to keep the swelling down. I have visited my chiropractor, massage therapist, and acupuncturist. All say I’m doing great and to continue to move my body as much as possible and drink water!

I feel like I’m growing into an oompa loopa or Violet the blueberry on Willy Wonka and will soon float away.