What to do? What to do?

We are sitting on the edge of a major decision and I am not sure which direction to go in.

When we originally started this IVF six months ago, we said we would do two IVF harvests/cycles and then let our efforts be good enough.

After the hiccup with the trigger shot during this last cycle, we don’t feel confident that it was our best effort for a baby and although we had one embryo and a transfer, felt like there may be something that was a miss within that cycle.

I don’t think I can honestly say today that if we ended our IVF journey, I would not wonder what one clean, healthy cycle would produce.

The fact that our first two cycles gave us 10 fertilized eggs and this last one gave only 4 makes us feel like there was something that went wrong with the extra day before egg harvest.

So, do we do 1 more?

Am I up for the emotional rollercoaster this whole process brings?

Once we are done with IVF, we are done. There is not another time we will pick this back up.

I don’t think I’m ready to close the door on this.

Yet, another two to three months of emotion and physical surrendering does seem daunting.

I’m ok with more medications and sticking myself nightly for the upcoming weeks.

Not that I’m looking forward to the hormones, night sweats, bloated discomfort.

But, I’m willing, if it will bring peace of mind in the long run of our lives.

The alternative option is to stop now and put the $7K+ that would be used for medication toward adoption.

I know that will be a long, emotional process as well.

Is it time to close this chapter of our lives, give away all my maternity clothes and infant gear and refocus our energy on the adoption world?

Adoption does excite me.
I have always thought I would adopt at least one child and would love siblings.

I just don’t think I’m ready to let go of the idea and hope for one more pregnancy, one more stint of sleepless nights, one more snuggle with a little infant in my arms.

We will have a consult with Dr. Brahma where we hope for clarity in our decision.

—–

The consult went well and we will most likely engage in one more round, which takes almost four months.

Fortunately, we will be able to do most of our monitoring appointments here in Denver and fly out to Atlanta for the final days leading up the Egg Harvest #3.

We feel confident that this will be our final effort with IVF and anything within the fertility world.

From here, if things do not result in a successful pregnancy and full-term birth, we will let go of this path and turn our focus to adoption and that journey.

The gift of Shady Grove’s Shared Risk is that if we don’t have a successful experience all the way through pregnancy to delivery, we will be able to get back the base funds that were put down for IVF. (This does not include medication.)

A little relief within this whole process and so another level of surrender awaits.

——

We have decided to keep this final IVF harvest & cycle between ourselves and journey intimately with God.

We appreciate your prayers and understanding and hope the next time we post about our fertility journey is to announce a little addition to our family.