The Fierce Four

Over the past days, I have been praying for God to work a miracle. In my journal, I find myself writing, “for God to prevail against the odds”.

As I mentioned, the numbers and data would point us to conclude that we will not have any day 5 blastocysts from the four fertilized eggs.

The last two retrievals show that consistent attrition rate.

In my spiritual practice this week, it has been more focused on acceptance and remaining present for the day with the facts that are known.

“Today, we have 4 fertilized eggs, come on fierce 4!”

At 7:40am, we receive a call from an unknown number, it’s her.

Dr. B is on the other end of the line with a very cheery disposition.

I walk into Hubby’s office so he can hear what she has to say at the same time.

Before I have time to settle, she shares that we have two Day 5 blastocysts!

I begin to feel my eyes well up with tears.

“Are you kidding me?” I exclaim.

What an incredible surprise.

She shares that one of the fertilized eggs did not have more than 7 cells and has pretty much stopped growing and that there is still one that they are watching that will hopefully blast tomorrow, on day 6.

Understand Embryo Grading | Fertility Center in Utah

For now, though, they have biopsied and frozen the two beautiful looking day 5 blastocysts and we will wait until the call tomorrow for confirmation of the total that will be sent to the genetic testing lab.

Another early morning call from a nurse at Shady Grove.

She confirms that two biopsies will be sent to the lab, meaning the final one did not make it.

I am elated.

Our Tenacious Two!

50% blast rate vs. a 16% in 2018 and 14% earlier this year.

That is only God showing me His incredible powers to defy the odds of scientific data.

I praise Him for this encouraging news and continue to pray for my heart to be surrendered to His will and my mind to remain in the moment of what is.

I would be lying if I didn’t already start to calculate when we could potentially do a transfer, and quickly close my Excel document that I have created and close my eyes.

God, you have shown me that you are the giver of life.

This process of bringing life into this world is so precious and so particular.

I mourn for those lives you wanted to be here but were terminated early.

I so wish people understood what it is like to go through this deep and intimate of a fertility journey.

If they didn’t, I think more people would hold the preciousness of a new life with so much more respect.

We are not even to the transfer/pregnancy stage which is in itself delicate and fragile.

Lord, please spare us from the heartache of a miscarriage. If you want these two little blasts to walk this earth, I will bring them into the world through my body. Use me, Lord.

If it is not your will or it is not right for one or both to be here, breathing the air I breath next to me, please have it become clear in these next few weeks of genetic testing.

I would rather have the heartache of the genetic report then the hope of a life and a miscarriage or stillborn child.

Lord, thank you for all you have already done and continue to show me through this process.

Today, I accept what is- I have a beautiful healthy daughter because of god using the IVF process and today, I have two frozen blastocysts in a freezer in Atlanta, GA awaiting genetic results to then be thawed and reunited with me.

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