My body is tired.
I am tired. My body feels worn out. Used.
It has been through a lot this past month and it’s taking a bit of time for it to feel calm again.
I have returned to acupuncture to help support the regulation of my hormones and restoration of my body.
The hot flashes at night were intense and then inability to get a good night sleep impaired my daily responsibilities.
I get it, I had a lot of medication pulsing through my body for over two weeks.
That’s a lot to put on my body. Especially when it’s not used to having much hormone interaction in my daily, weekly, monthly living.
Now is the time to treat my body with love and respect.
It just went through a big procedure and we are gearing up for it to go through it one more time.
Prep the Body
In preparing for our next egg retrieval, Dr. B keeps me on estrogen patches.
This time they are .2mg and I change the out every other day.
This will help keep my estrogen levels high so that when we begin the next cycle, my body will already be primed for the medication.
I am altering my workouts from intense, heart-pumping, feel-good cardio (jogging & spinning) to flexibility and muscle holds (yoga & pilates).
Adding an extra healthy fat into my already balanced food plan will also help support my body with what is about to occur.
I have also returned to the full supplemental regimen that is coined the “IVF Cocktail” to build up all the good stuff to try and maximize this next cycle.
With less than four weeks until we begin the next stimulation (stim) cycle, I am anxious, nervous, excited, hopeful, and curious.
What are you going to do this time around, God?
Prep the Mind
Those are just the outside things though.
What I am really battling with is this evil little voice telling me that I haven’t done a good enough job with my daughter to ‘earn’ a second child.
It’s horrible to even write that thought out but this is what plays over and over in my head.
“You are not doing a good enough job with what has been given to you so why would you get another one? You can’t handle it? You won’t be a good mom to two kids. It will be too much and it will break your marriage”.
I begin to think, maybe God is not pleased with me and doesn’t trust me with another one of His babies because of how hard it has been for me to learn how to parent the one He did give me.
Icky, icky, icky. Shake that out of my head and out of my being.
I don’t like the way that feels on my skin and I want to believe that I am doing a great job with what I have.
Talk about a dose of humility for parenting.
Aren’t we all just doing to the best we can with what we have?
At least, I hope we all are doing our best.
The days are long… sometimes the minutes drag on and I think, it’s not even lunchtime yet.
And yet, when she is down for her nap or in bed for the night, I miss her and I love her.
I capture those little amazing moments that make me so happy and full of joy to see her learning this world. I love being with her as she learns and grows and want nothing more than to have another to be able to experience more of the simplicity of life.
The years are short… and I know that before I know it, she will be all grown up and I will miss her even more.
God, I pray we can enjoy what we have while hoping for an addition to our family.