I thought that was my last shot before retrieval and I thought that was the shot that would ‘trigger’ me to ovulate. 

Maybe I should correct that statement. 

My doctors thought these things. 

My skepticism has been kept at bay for the majority of this stimulation cycle until it came to the trigger shot protocol that was outlined for this round. 

The previous two rounds, the protocol called for a dual trigger shot which is the typical Lupron with the a-typical HCG shot. 

When we were going through our last round a few months back, my nurse was not as familiar with the Dual Trigger because the Atlanta office rarely (if ever) prescribes this protocol. 

I know my Maryland doctor from the first retrieval in 2018 had a reason for me to have a dual trigger so I was surprised to learn that this protocol is A-typical. 

Either way, I questioned the fact that we weren’t going to do a dual-trigger this time. 

I was assured by the medical team that it was not necessary and I believed them. 

Yesterday when I gave myself the single shot, I was leery, but really wanting to trust the medical team so although I asked the IVF retrieval scheduler “what if my bloodwork comes back tomorrow with abnormally low levels showing the trigger shot didn’t work?” She assured me that this rarely happens and if it does then I would just get another shot. 

I trusted her and went on with giving myself the Lupron trigger shot at 9:45pm. 

Twelve hours later, I am being pricked for what I think is the last time to give a blood sample. 

I thank the phlebotomist who I have befriended over these past weeks and wish her well. 

On with my day I go, until I receive a call from the office. 

Dr. B is on the line. 

“Oh no, something is wrong”, flashes through my mind. 

Usually Nurse Emily calls me. The only other time Dr. B called during the cycle was last cycle when she told me we had to push the stim cycle a few more days and to expect low numbers. 

She has the same low, calm, steady tone in her voice. 

“Just rip off the Band-Aid” I wanted to tell her. I knew something was wrong. 

She proceeds to very gently and apologetically explain that the Lupron trigger did not work and in fact I was correct in the first place. 

My body did not produce the HCG needed to trigger ovulation and therefore did in fact need the dual trigger shot. “Duh”, I thought, “my body doesn’t produce hormones period… why would I all of a sudden produce this one?”

“Oh no! This cycle is canceled, it’s all messed up” enters my mind. 

Dr. B shares that we need to do the trigger again tonight with the HCG medication and move the retrieval one more day. 

Anger and frustration pulse through my body and I share a bit of this with her. 

She accepts my emotion and apologizes again for not looking more into my initial lab work done many years’ prior at CCRM. 

We walk through the labs and she now sees where Dr. O in Maryland was tipped to see that I needed the dual trigger. Dr. B’s heart is heavy and I can feel her remorse through the phone. 

I understand the mistake and am grateful we can still save the cycle by having the retrieval the following day. 

We say our good byes and I prepare for one more day in this incredibly uncomfortable state of being. 

I’d like to say my mind has been clear since hanging up the phone. 

Quite the opposite. 

• What if the follicles grow too big over the extra 24-hours and we lose follicles?

• What if the follicles grow too big and the egg quality diminishes?

• What if the bloodwork doesn’t come back normal tomorrow and we have to cancel the cycle?
  What if… what if… what if…?

I tell my worries to Hubby and friends and am mostly met with encouragement and solace. 

All I can do is trust in the process and believe that his is not a surprise to God. He knew this all along, right?

I turn my thinking to- what if this is exactly what is needed for a few of those smaller follicles to grow and the eggs to be mature?

What if the very egg God wants to use for the embryo was too small to retrieve and needed just one more day?

I have a choice what to do with my thoughts.
Today, I am choosing to look for the good and believe that God is in the details. 

Medication day 16

Medication: HCG 10,000 at 8:45pm