Expanding a Family

Double the Dose of Clomid

/ Hilary / 4 Comments

Ok so I freaked out in a recent post because of my fear that I would have to wait more time than I already need to because I don’t have a natural period. Thankfully, two days after I completed the 10 days of Provera, I got a bleed. Short, one-day bleed that constitutes my day 1, wahoo!

Again, it’s the small things that I need to celebrate on this road and if it’s a bleed, I’ll take it. This is a sign that I have another month of hope for becoming pregnant and the fun can begin.

The OB wasn’t able to get me in for an ultrasound until day 4 and when they did, they did not see any signs of PCOs. What? I am pretty confused by this point as my ultrasound in 2016 clearly showed a string of pearl like visual in my ovaries. Not today.

I do not know what this means about my diagnosis and what I need to be doing for my health, but I am just trying to go with it. Trusting the doctors are the experts and possibly see this all the time, I am choosing to let go and be apart of the strategic process.

They did see the cyst again that appears to be next to my uterus and has not changed in size, so they are not concerned, so I won’t be concerned.

All clear to start round 2 of Clomid, doubling the dose, days 5-9 of my cycle! Praying for good healthy follicles to grow so we can get this show on the road!

Today I am hopeful.

Fallopian Tube Roto Rooter

/ Hilary / 4 Comments

I’m pretty sure my doctor thinks I’m nuts. I emailed her after my massage/energy healer experience (click here if you haven’t read about it) and asked what would need to take place for us to get a better look at my fallopian tubes to see if there is a blockage. She responded with the recommendation of a sono-hysterosalpingogram, also known as a FemVue.

I’ve had friends do this and although not the best way to visualize the procedure, it can be a roto rooter for the fallopian tubes- cleaning any obstructions out so eggs can travel more efficiently. recall how unpleasant of an experience this is, but I know it’s what we need to do.

We scheduled it for the following week and my husband was gracious to want to come and support me through the procedure.

After the typical pleasantries with the ultrasound lady, who I now feel I have a relationship with, the doctor entered the room. She explained what would take place and what we are hoping to see.

Using a catheter placed through the cervix into the uterus, she will shoot a mixture of saline and air contrast up my uterus and into each of the fallopian tubes. The mixture will produce so we can see it on the ultrasound monitor. If there are any issues, the bubbles will not flow smoothly and they will investigate to see what the issue may be.

This whole catheterization process is not the most comfortable (similar but more intense/invasive female exam) and as she begins to insert the mixture, it feels as though I am peeing myself (in a weird way).

She starts on the left— no issues there and the bubbles flow easily.

Onto the right—no bubbles. There seems to be a block of some sort. WHAT? She tries it again and it flows much better. She looks at me and says: “looks like there was a small block of tissue or something on your right fallopian tube, but we were able to get it out with the force of the saline this second time and now it’s clear!”

There seems to be a block of some sort. Oh my gosh… WHAT?

She tries it again and it flows much better. She looks at me and says: “looks like there was a small block of tissue or something on your right fallopian tube, but we were able to get it out with the force of the saline this second time and now it’s clear!”

She looks at me and says: “looks like there was a small block of tissue or something on your right fallopian tube, but we were able to get it out with the force of the saline this second time and now it’s clear!”

I am amazed at this point. The massage/healer lady was right?

What would have happened if I didn’t go to this massage lady? The doctors weren’t planning to check for anything until after a few more rounds of Clomid, meaning 2-4 more months of trying and waiting.

Is it possible that God used this massage lady to speak to me about my body?

I take this encounter as a God-wink and am excited to know my fallopian tubes are now ready for action!

The rest of the afternoon was not pleasant as I felt major cramping, as the doctor said I would. The only position that felt good was on my side on the couch.

My husband felt horrible that I was in such pain and I only know this is the first of what’s to come with all the body changes that occur when growing a baby. I’m grateful to have him by my side through the pain and discomfort.

Possible Blockage?

/ Hilary / 1 Comment

Could it be that I have a blockage in my right ovary?

 Curious question for my massage therapist to ask me as I was lying face down on the table. She had just begun my deep tissue massage and after asking a few questions as to what brought me in, picked up on the fact that we are trying to become pregnant.

I welcome any feedback from body workers as well as doctors but this question came as a surprise. I noticed she had paused over my lower back area and was still.

“Has my right ovary experienced any trauma in the past, such as a miscarriage or something else?”- she asked.

“No, not that I know of.”- I replied.

She continued with the massage and at the end, I asked her to explain more.

Clarifying that she is not a doctor, she mentioned she could just sense that there may have been some damage caused by trauma or possibly something I was born with that is causing my right ovary to be weak and potentially blocked.

The left is strong and feels to be working well, but she suggested that before we pour money into any major fertility endeavors it may be something for my doctor to look into.

I left with a little skepticism mixed with curiosity. Could a blockage be part of the issue? I was determined to find out.

Attempting Round 2

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10 days later, its confirmed: not pregnant.

I began the Provera today. Still skeptical as I have been on this before and it did not produce a bleed. Praying that this time will be different and that my body will react to the medication and bleed. Then we can do our 2nd round of Clomid to continue the science experiment.

My OB drops what feels like another bomb.

“You may bleed while taking the Provera, in that case, call us, otherwise it could take up to 2 weeks after taking the Provera (for 10 days) before you bleed.”

Wait, WHAT?! Not only did we have to wait 10 days because we had unprotected sex in order to start the Provera, in addition to taking the Provera for 10 days, but now we may have to wait another 2 weeks after to see if I even bleed?!?

And then what if I don’t bleed? It may be that I will be put on birth control which will take another MONTH before we can even begin round 2 of Clomid.

Ok, so what am I really feeling?

A little duped at the moment. Here I was thinking that if we aren’t pregnant one month then we will just try again the following… NOPE. It’s almost like we have to wait every OTHER month.

I can already feel my impatience building up What is that about? The impatience I mean. Feeling as though I’m in such a hurry to get this baby show on the road and that I don’t want to be left behind from other friends, I don’t want to be an old mom… ah, I see it… I’m fearful. Good to note.

Angry and resentful that I have to be different than millions of women in this world. Not only can I not get pregnant just by having sex (which is the story for many people in my family), but I cant just go one month to the next trying to become pregnant. Since I don’t get a period, I have to essentially wait 10-24 days between cycles to even START the next cycle.

Am I feeling a bit dramatic? Yes. I’m also feeling as though this isn’t fair that my road seems so much more difficult than other people. (Pity party)

There I go, dropping into the world of comparison and complaining. I know where this leads and it’s no where, FAST.

I’m not dismissing my feelings (stated above), and yet those feelings don’t serve me. They don’t produce anything helpful.

So I know I need to turn it around- looking for the good, I start a list of things that I am grateful for and recognizing the things I DO have as opposed to the things I don’t.

I begin to pray for guidance and rest in Him, knowing that God has a plan for each one of us. All of our journeys look different. There may be some similarities between mine and another, but we all have our journey to enjoy. And it is to be enjoyed, not fretted or worried over, but embraced.

How can I live today as though I knew I would be a mom in the future?

I remember asking this of myself when I wanted to be married. I pined for a husband and to no longer be single, desiring so much to know who this man would be in my life. Yet that simple question helped me to live my single days to their fullest.

So, I bring it into my life now. Knowing my life will change when we have kids. How can I live my life today with the assurance that I will be a mom in the future?

Enjoy sleeping, afternoon napping, going to the gym when I want to, spontaneous date nights, reading quietly, hiking and camping without much planning…

God is preparing us and helping me experience the joys of today.

Stuck with Needles

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Walking into the cool warmly lit office, I knew I would be able to calm down here. The sign asking clients to take off shoes confirmed… this was a safe space to relax.

Acupuncture Denver was recommended to me by a friend who was trying to conceive and after a couple months of working with Jane at Acupuncture Denver became pregnant. I know that acupuncture won’t be the reason we get pregnant, but I believe it can help a body function well and become realigned.

I had been corresponding with Jane since February through email so to meet her in person was a delight. She took 30 minutes to hear my story. Her questions about PCOS and the various medications I have tried confirmed that she knew a lot of fertility and PCOS.

Then she dropped the bomb.

“I wonder if you have symptoms of PCOS but since no cysts were seen on your ultra sound, you may have something with your hypothyroid. I’d have to see your blood work to confirm.”

Wait… what? I’ve been around and around about this with doctors and I was really happy to know what it is that causes me to be “abnormal”. Not to mention, I was on thyroid medication for a few years and nothing changed, so what is this all about?

Frustrated and perplexed I laid down on the table, face down.

Jane applied the needles along my back and in my legs. My head was full of questions and worry that my doctor is operating on the assumption that I have PCOS, what if I’m not getting pregnant because it’s really something else? And that mass of a cyst that they saw outside of my uterus on the ultra sound, what is that?

No time to worry about this all now as I wanted to pray into the acupuncture treatment and let go of all the concerns of the unknowns.

Later this week, I got an email from Jane who had reviewed my blood work. She confirmed that the numbers do not point towards PCOS. It seems as though my AMH is at a good (but not high like in PCOS) level, my FSH and LH ratio is perfect and my other labs are totally normal too (like androgens). So she’s thinking it might be a mild hypothalamic issue. Jane recommends checking with my doctor for further analysis… so that is what Ill do.

Grateful to have people around me who know the fertility world and what to look for since I sure as heck have no idea what to do!

So what can I do now? Enjoy the journey God has us on…