Expectations = Disappointment

Dr. Bhrama calls. What a lovely voice she has!

This is the first time we have spoken and I find her to be such a delight.

The COVID-19 pandemic has really thrown things off for us to meet in person, so I welcome her call.

We discuss how things have been going this cycle and before I know it, I am having to swallow the biggest upset to date in this process.

We might not have a viable embryo at the end of this cycle.


Disappointed HD Stock Images | Shutterstock

There are a few things that have tipped her to say this.

  1. My age (approaching 38) is 3 years older than the first cycle
  2. The slow start to the medications. She explained that the first few days of a cycle is the most important because that is when the ‘cohort’ of follicles develops. These are the follicles that will be growing throughout the course of the stim and although more will grow, they will be behind this first cohort. It’s like the cohort is the senior class and the freshmen may be in the same school, but they will never be seniors at the same time as the current senior class. She said that my estrogen was extremely low at the beginning and that if she would have known this, she would have started me with a higher dose of Menopur from the beginning.
  3. The number of follicles we have today is about half from the last time. Our % of blastocysts to eggs retrieved was drastically lower than the average in the first cycle so if we have the same %’s we most likely won’t have an embryo.

My heart drops.

I knew there would be a potential for us to do a 2nd retrieval, but I can’t help but think… I don’t wanna! Like a kid throwing herself on the ground throwing a temper-tantrum.

The upside to doing another cycle is that we would be able to:

  •  start off from the beginning with a higher dose of medication and that would give us the chance for a better follicle growth and count.
  • Meet our new nephew who is due to arrive in 6 weeks from now
  • Be vaccinated from the COVID-19 virus before pregnancy
  • Use the Shared Risk program for how it is designed and feel like the higher price tag was worth it
  • Visit with family another time this year

Dr B also said that my body would be ‘prepped’ for this next cycle because of all the medications I currently have in my system. She said that if we did another stim cycle 1 to 2 months after this current cycle, my body would reap the benefits of it.

Lord, help me remain open to your will and what you are doing for us in the season.

Dr. B also said that she is 75% sure we will trigger tomorrow night… but there is a 25% chance we will go one more day.

*Sigh* oh, Lord, help me release my timing over to you.

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