Trimester 3 has come too quick.
After the all-day sickness subsided around weeks 16-18, I felt as though I was on top of the world.
My body felt good, I had a cute little bump growing, and my energy was back.
Filled with gratitude I was walking with a spring in my step that I could eat regular food again, smell without getting sick, and be active with friends and family. Thank you, God!
If I could sum up trimester 2 it would be: energetic, positive, hormonal rollercoaster, stressed. (Grateful for understanding co-workers!)
I don’t think it helped that my final push of the school year (and all the emotions/stress that come with the spring wrap up without being pregnant) was mixed into those weeks for me as well.
As I posted a couple weeks back (here), I have had a lot of emotions come up for me around this pregnancy and they are only going to continue as we move closer to Maxee’s arrival date.
We made it through all of that nuttiness… and now we are onto the final 3 months!
Do I have gestational diabetes?
During week 28, which officially began trimester 3, I took the glucose test. Thankfully I was able to do a fasting blood test instead of taking the glucose drink.
I arrived at the doctor’s office first thing in the morning and they took my blood.
I then ate my normal breakfast (about 600 calories) and as soon as I took my last drink of water, began the 2-hour countdown.
At 2-hours, they took more blood.
Within the week they called to say that I passed with flying colors- no gestational diabetes here!
With trimester 3 came the start of summer break from work and have a little more time to think about my life as a mom, I am noticing more fears and apprehensions as to what it will be like to raise this little human.
I have begun reading Parenting, by Paul David Tripp. I believe this will be a book I revisit over my next years as a parent but it’s a good place for me to start thinking about parenting from gospel principles.
More than anything, I am feeling the fear of messing Maxee up. That I really have no clue what I’m doing.
I’m scared that I will do things that are going to hurt or scar her emotionally. I want to be perfect and do everything ‘right’.
I am feeling the weight of what a role of a parent is and not wanting my ego, identity, pride, selfish desires, jealousy, envy, or critical thinking to get in the way of her growth.
Yes, I am prone to all of those listed (and more) and fear that I have the ability to really mess this precious little human up.
Welcome to parenting!
I am slowly (finally) starting to get what parents always talk about when it comes to feeling inadequate.
Glad I’m not alone in feeling these fears, but what in the world will I do with all these daunting thoughts?
This is what I do know:
- I know that I am not alone.
- I know that she is not here yet and regardless of how many books I read or people I talk with, I am not going to be 100% prepared.
- That I will take each situation as it comes and learn as I go.
- I know more than I think I know.
- She will start off as an infant and grow with me as I grow in my parenting.
- I can do this with the help of my research-loving husband.
- I can ask other for guidance along the way.
- I have a HUGE God in my life that is ultimately the power in my life… and Maxee’s. I’m just a trusted steward of this little human. She really is His.
God, please help me to be a good, loving, caring, supportive, strong momma to little Maxee.
I think that is where it will need to be for me- in God’s hands, with humility.