The quiet brings peace.
Like a fine wine, I gave myself permission to let this information breath.
Give this decision some space in my mind.
When I quiet my mind and body, I can hear that small voice.
It is clear that going abroad is not sitting well with me. Doing IVF stateside is my truth.
Hubby is clear that doing IVF here in Colorado is not an option. That is his truth.
Shady Grove in Maryland is our only option for IVF.
If we do not agree with this, then we will have to agree to disagree and move onto adoption.
We have a phone consult with Dr. O’Brien at Shady Grove Fertility in Maryland. We had heard of this clinic at the 4th of July party we attended in July and kept is as an option for a few reasons, they:
- have high success rates (higher than CCRM & Conceptions in many categories).
- offer a shared risk program where we could pay a flat rate and receive up to 6 embryo transfers, if we do not have a live birth then we are refunded 100% of our medical costs (not including medicine). Other clinics offer a shared risk, but they only return 60-80%.
- are in a Mandate state. There are 15 states that are “Mandate states” which cover infertility treatments. This helps keep the out-of-pocket costs low.
The conversation was a breath of fresh air.
Her review of my labs and all that we have already done up until this point helped me relax into what her recommendations were for how she would proceed.
She impressed me.
She confirmed that although I do NOT have PCOS, I have many symptoms that would lead people to believe that I do.
She is not going to diagnose me as the goal is to get pregnant, not figure out my issues.
I understand this and I would agree that although it would be great to ‘fix’ me, I just want to become pregnant and have a healthy baby.
Interestingly enough, Dr. O’Brien and Dr. G. completed their Fellowship together. Small world!
Her approach to ‘pull out all the stops’ with me is also calming.
We aren’t here to mess around.
The phone consult ended with her giving follow-up action steps and before the end of the day, my inbox was full of information from her nurse.
I return to my peaceful place.
It’s not the time to make any decisions.
We have 3 months before we would need to take any action- at CCRM or at Shady Grove… or adoption.
I give this back to you God.
When I close my eyes and quiet my mind, I hear God say, ‘trust me, you don’t need to do IVF, you will have your own children.’
What does this mean?
Can I trust this?
I’m scared to write this as I don’t want to commit myself to anything certain.
I don’t want to do IVF if, in the end, we won’t get pregnant and God knows this already and is trying to tell me.
I also don’t know how much I trust this voice.
As I look back over my life, I know the voice is there but have I always trusted it?
Have there been times when I’ve trusted that voice and made a decision based off of it, and then regretted it?
I can’t remember.
Taking some time away from all of this and just sitting quietly for the next few months will be a good approach.
If there is any way for us to do it earlier, then I will take action, knowing that God is with me.
Hilary Maxwell 