It doesn’t feel right to continue. We have been praying over the past 8 cycles for God to gift us with a baby and the answer has not been in the direction of my desire. Is it me? Might I be too stressed with other responsibilities and commitments in my life that I am holding myself back from being able to conceive? My drive to create and do in life is a beautiful thing. Yet, it can quickly move into overdrive as I commit to doing too many things at one time, not leaving as much time to sit and be, rest and relax. Although I feel I have been slowing down so much more than I have in my previous years, I question if it’s been enough.

I can’t go down that road of ‘what if’ and so I will stop that line of thinking.

I emailed Dr G., asking his guidance as to what to do next. This downtime has been good for me to gain neutrality and a little perspective as I’m not ‘in’ the mix of medications and doctors appointments. It feels good to relax from it all.

Quite honestly, I was relieved when I received the response from Dr G.

It’s time to move forward into IVF, per his recommendation, stating we have tried many times and with the results thus far it’s the next step.

Not what I want to hear as I’m not sure I can justify spending the amount of money that has been quoted for IVF here in the States.

What I do know is that a child is a priceless gift and $20-50,000 may seem like pennies in the long-run. How will this work? I am still torn with what to do.

Why can’t someone just give me the answer? To do IVF or to adopt?

Hubby and I share opinions around IVF and come to the same conclusion, that we are both open to exploring the idea.

I can’t say I don’t feel uncomfortable as I know IVF is taking fertility to the next level and I want to be careful not to be putting my hope, fully into the world of medicine.

It’s a miracle that we cannot place an egg and sperm together

Now the options are between adoption and IVF.

I will begin my research on the varieties of clinics and pay scales associated with IVF.

This is where things stand:

We have looked into the following clinics and have set up consults with doctors in each clinic. Gather as much information as possible, that’s what I know to do.

• CCRM (Colorado)
• Conceptions (Colorado)
• Dr. Trout (Colorado)
• Shady Grove (Maryland)
• ReProfit (Czech Republic)

We shall see what each says.

God help us to know your will and direction in this process. There are so many decisions to make and I don’t want to go down a road that is not going to be fruitful. I surrender this to you, Lord.