Hopes for Blueberry

I’m not surprised that each morning for the past 3 days I have stared into that Ovulation test predictor stick without emotion. I have become numb to the “O” glaring back at me. No smiley face, not even a tinge of a possibility that my body is showing any trace of LH hormones. What used to be a frustrating symbol has now become a part of my morning routine. I don’t let it phase me.

Today is the (hopefully) final ultrasound before we are triggered to force ovulation. I am praying for a large enough follicle and although I answer Hubby with 19 when he asks how big I think they are, my heart wants it to be 20+.

We check in to the CCRM ultrasound counter and have a seat to wait for our name to be called. The sunshine warms my back. I feel at ease.

Leaning over to Hubby to share how great it would be if the ultrasound tech from my OBGYN was there today (she’s been doing all my ultrasounds since this first began), I realize I am scared.

What if there aren’t any follicles large enough? Will this tech know what to look for since I tend to have weird little follicles in random places?

Before I can acknowledge my emotions, the door opens. It’s Erica! The tech from my OBGYN office. She works at CCRM once a month, and today is her day.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME GOD?

Amazing.

I feel instant relief and a little emotion well in my eyes as she greets us. I want to hug her.

She welcomes us back and sets us up.

I feel as though I am in good hands now.

She inserts the wand and sure enough, h there are three follicles and one is 22mm!!

Wahoo! Thank you God!

We are ready to move forward with the HCG trigger shot.

Dr. G wants us to change our schedule slightly to help enhance the possibilities of pregnancy and also prescribes a tiny blue tablet (suppository) full of estrogen to help make a cushy lining for our hopeful little one to nestle into. I have to use this for the next 2 weeks and he says it can be a bit messy, blue messy in fact.

At this point, why not? I’ll add it to the list of experiences.

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It reminds me of a blueberry and actually began joking about it being just that.Blueberries are to help in pregnancy so why not let this be another opportunity to believe that good will come.

Hubby and I time out the shot correlated with the new schedule. This will require me to wake up at midnight tonight to give myself the shot in order for everything to fall into line after that.

The things I do for this soon-to-be, hopefully-will-be baby.

Let the next two weeks begin today!

Nightly, I administer the blueberry tablet and let it do its thing while I sleep.

I find myself excited and hopeful of what these few slight changes might bring us. We actually could become pregnant.

Hubby reminds me not to be too excited and that we can be hopeful but to keep our expectations low.

I know he’s right.

Living for today and doing all we can do.

I change my schedule for the next two weeks. Creating more downtime, taking things off my to-do list so that I can just relax and not bring too much stress to my body.

God, I trust you… this is all I can say. Over and over.

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