I am grateful to report that last 2 weeks have not been too terrible as there have been many other things to focus our time and energy on.
The last cycle, it seemed like I was pulling my hair out each day waiting to be able to pee on that stick. Conversations back and forth in my head about wanting to just go ahead and do it and then justification as to why I should wait.
This time, I feel grateful for the other ‘life’ things going on that I am not as focused.
If I were to dig a little deeper though. I’m not ready for the heartache of another negative pregnancy test and the reality that we are not pregnant.
I like being in this state of hopeful possibility and the pregnancy test would just make the reality known.
I am scared to be sad. Scared to be let down. I don’t know how many more negative’s/no’s/not this time’s I can take. This might be our last round of Clomid for a bit. I think I might need a break from the emotional drain.
Although I don’t feel I’m placing too much expectation on this cycle, I want to remain positive and hopeful. I hear that a positive mindset creates positive results.
Might it be that I am to continue to ask for God’s will to be done as opposed to a positive result? I think so.
Today I feel ‘quiet’ in heart and soul. I don’t really have much more to say about that.