Done All I Can

What used to feel like a rollercoaster of emotions has become just second nature to me as I have fallen into line with the patterns of my OBGYN office and the timing they are using for every single step of the way.

  • Day 1- celebrate a bleed and opportunity to try again
  • Day 5-9- Clomid
  • Day 12- Ultra sound to check follicles and thickness of uterine lining
  • Day 15- 2nd ultra sound to check follicles and thickness of uterine lining
  • Day 17- If no positive surge (solid smiley face), induce ovulation with a ‘Trigger shot’

Through this round of Clomid and waiting for that silly solid smiley face on the OPK (ovulation predictor kit), I have become more at peace with the process and not as anxious for things to happen more quickly.

It will take what it will take.

As the week of fertility approached this past week, I was full of nervous/excited energy in the hope of the possibilities to come.

My day 12 landed on a Sunday so I went in on day 13 to have an ultra sound. The results left me a bit negative as my uterine lining was way too thin (even though I started the estrogen patch on day 10) and there was only one follicle growing.

I KNEW I should have pushed the doctors to up the dose of Clomid this round!

We really want to have twins and so the news of only one follicle was a bit disheartening.                     I know, I know. I should be happy I have at least 1.

I am practicing gratitude around that and praying that if we are to have twins that the cells would multiply.

The doctor gave me some more estrogen patches, instructing me to double up, and asked me to come back in 2 days, day 15.

Hopeful that I was not out of the race this month, I waited and returned.

Only to experience more of the same neutral news… one follicle, still not large enough for ovulation, but… the lining is getting a little thicker… hey, I’ll take it!

Same instructions, come back in 2 days if I don’t get a solid smiley…

You know how this goes… 2 days later, day 17, still no solid smiley and so I return to the office and they stick me in the rear-end with a boost of hormones to get my body into gear. It was an HCG trigger shot to induce ovulation (same as last month).

I left with the routine instructions they tell every couple, have timed intercourse tonight, tomorrow and the day after (if we can). Got it!

The OPK was a solid smiley face by the time I got home that first night of the trigger shot. This was not the way it was supposed to happen and for this planner, was a bit thrown off. We had everything all planned out for our timed intercourse so I began to mildly freak out.

The doctors said it would take 24-36 hours for the shot to kick in, so is it possible that I ovulated on my own today? Maybe… that would be super cool.

I am not wanting to put pressure on my husband to perform, and at this point, I’ve done all the drugs and tests and am as ready as I can be for this miracle of life to occur… we just need those little swimmers.

I am praying for him, his body, and for acceptance around what is in this moment, something out of my control.

I can’t DO anything more at this point.

How long to lay here?

After our timed intercourse, I was lying there afraid that if I got out of bed, I would hurt my chances of getting pregnant. I thought by laying there, it would help the swimmers in their pursuit as opposed to introducing gravity into their upstream quest. After doing some googling (while on my back), I read that most suggest laying horizontal for 15-20 minutes but after that point, it’s okay to move around.

I proceeded to do as much googling as possible in those 20 minutes to find out if there is anything more I can do…

Nope.

Just let nature take its course, literally.

I was incorrect in a previous post about how long it takes a sperm to enter into the fallopian tubes. I have read it takes anywhere between 45 minutes to 5 hours, so at this point, I’m just trusting that those little guys know what they are doing.

For this control freak, knowing I have 0% control over the outcome is frustrating…

and relieving.

I can’t do anything to help or hurt, I just get to be.

Do I work out or do I not?

A few of my friends who have gone through IVF treatment shared their experiences of not working out for the first few weeks and so I thought I would take a closer look at my options. Although my doctor said it was fine to continue moderate exercise, I am still hesitant.

I have this image that if I were to run it would jostle the little embryo right out from getting nice and cozy inside of me. To think that we have done so much to become pregnant and a short jog would take that away, no way!

I am also aware of how low my estrogen hormone is and would not want to over exercise, diminishing any chances for my hormones to do what they will do.

I began my research and have found pros and cons for both working out and staying low. It’s good to get the blood pumping and nutrients moving through my system and it’s encouraged to do some heart-pumping exercises, such as the stationary bike, walking or swimming and weight lifting but vigorous running is not on the menu.

So I have succumbed to not running for the first week until I know for sure we are pregnant and the little one is securely implanted (usually between 6-10 days after ovulation), but I am not going to sit stagnant on my couch and write all the time. It is encouraged to continue to be healthy and treat our bodies well.

To this point, I’m going to sign off, lace up my running shoes and head to the gym for some heart-pumping, muscle toning exercise that also clears my head and calms my anxious thoughts.

That I CAN do.

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