Small chance, but…?

Days 20-35 is the long period of days that seem years as we wait to pull out the pregnancy test.

I’m getting used to this waiting. I am not too hopeful that I am pregnant this month because I didn’t get a solid smiley face on the Ovulation stick.

There is a small chance… I don’t give the fact that the stick didn’t read a surge too much weight because two of my friends recently became pregnant without having any positive Ovulation result on a stick. So there is still hope.

What have I learned about waiting and patience through this entire journey? Well, on a lighter note, I won’t be delivering our baby/babies during my husband’s tax season, so that is a relief!

I know that Gods timing is better than anything I could have ever imagined. I also know there is a lot of life I get to live right now while I’m not pregnant. (Look for the good).

What I do question is what is “wrong” with me? Why am I not able to get pregnant? Why is my body not ovulating? Have I done something wrong that God does not want us to have babies? I don’t believe this to be true, but the thought does cross my mind.

Maybe it was my checkered past that is now punishing me for my decisions of my youth. Although I know this is false (that is not the way God works) I also can see how easily it can become a bad seed sown in my head.

I have started praying over my womb and for the babies that are to grow healthy and strong in there.

When I was single, I prayed every night for my husband. I knew that he was already born and so I prayed for him as though I knew him. For his day, his work, his friendships, his walk with God and also prayed for him to be shaped to become ready to meet me.

Why not apply this to the babies that will be inside of me? God knows these little ones and if I’m not to carry my own babies, then I can also be praying for whatever babies or children that are going to come under our roof for us to be entrusted with to grow and shape and love.

So this waiting period is actually quite full of prayers of what is to come. Hopeful and trusting in the story that is continuously being written.

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