Uh, what? In a crowd full of 5,000 people you want me to stand and become vulnerable to those around me with my current struggle?

Writing about my experience on this journey is one thing as it’s just me and my computer, music playing in the background and then clicking ‘publish’. Standing in front of people who can see me, can touch me, can watch the tears stream down my face is a new level of vulnerability…

and yet, I stood.

Gift of Worship

I was given the ticket to the Bethel Worship night as a birthday gift from a few of my girlfriends. Excited to rock out to Jesus Loving music with a dear friend, I was expecting a night of worship and uplifting words. Little did I know that Kris Vallotton from Bethel Church would be there to give a mini-sermon (which was incredible) and then, later on, pray for specific people.

As soon as he began speaking, I wished I had recorded him. Here are a few phrases he shared that struck me:

• “Respond to the vision we have at the watering hole of our imagination.”
• “We tend to become what we think the most important person in our life things we are.”
• “Physical act bring spiritual obedience”
• “We are made in His image and in His likeness… therefore being amazing is spiritual… false humility is killing us… we are supposed to act like God”
• “The more I know Jesus, the more I know me”
• “Jesus was the model, God is the artist, I am the painting”

I may have to write more on each of these as they had so much power last night. Reframing my mind around what my relationship with the Lord is to look like.

Kris gained my attention with his words and we proceeded into worship with Bethel music… moving to say the least.

Gift of Prayer

Prayers for various people struggling with depression, anxiety, insomnia, and other mental diagnosis set the stage for what was about to happen. As we were praying for ‘those’ people, I started praying that God would heal my body. If He could heal people’s minds, can’t He heal my womb?

As I placed my hand on my womb, Kris went there. He asked anyone who has been trying to get pregnant to stand and cautioned anyone who didn’t really want to become pregnant not to as he has seen success 9 months after praying in many couples.

He asked anyone who has been trying to get pregnant to stand and cautioned anyone who didn’t really want to become pregnant not to as he has seen success 9 months after praying in many couples. My dear friend, Marin, grabbed my hand, supportive and caring.

I stood and received.

With tears rolling down my face (where did these come from?), I asked God to heal my body and to grant us space and ability to “be fruitful and multiply”!

I want to believe in the healing power of Jesus and I want to believe there is truth and validity in prophetic healing power and so I am choosing to receive the prayers. If I am honest, I do have a little fear/skepticism… does it really happen? I want to believe it does and will, but what if it doesn’t? Does that mean God didn’t hear the prayer or hat God is making it clear that I am not to have a baby? Or maybe it’s not the right timing… that he heard the prayers but he knows something that I don’t.

Either way, I trust in God and what he is doing in and through me. I pray to be used to shine His light, to give my life to share the Good News.