Last Pill For a While

10 days of Progesterone and I feel like I have been experiencing constant PMS. Edgy, irritated, sensitive, emotional, tired and pretty much ‘over it’. I took my last Progesterone pill last night and will wait to see if I get a withdrawal bleed. All this in hopes that my brain will get the jump start it needs to start talking to my ovaries to create regular periods. Best case, I have a few days of bleeding which may trigger my body to get into motion. Worst case, I don’t have any bleeding and remain as I am. This is the third time I’ve been on Progesterone this year and am trying to remain hopeful, but it’s hard.

I am used to getting let down in this area of my life. For the past 17 years, I have been on medications to help ‘figure my system out’ and there are still no answers. Maybe there will never be a specific diagnosis or cause for my body to not produce a period. Although I have multiple Cysts in my ovaries, some doctors would rule our PCOS because I didn’t get a withdrawal bleed. Others would ask for me to go onto Metformin before that diagnose can be ruled out.

Either way, can I accept that I may never fully know the answer to why? Am I able to find peace without an answer?

I’m working towards that. Simply because sometimes in life, there isn’t an answer.

Our next steps would be to go to a Reproductive Specialist or Fertility doctor. I’m not opposed to that next phase, but I do feel, at this point,  like pausing the doctors visits and instead focusing on simply living into my life as much as I’m able to this fall. There are a lot of changes in both my and my husbands life. He just changed companies of employment and I continue to build my business and feel it’s good to invest my time, energy and focus into this area of my life before we ‘work’ to have a baby.

Of course we will continue to ‘try’ (I mean, I love my hubby and he’s pretty irresistible) and I may experiment with the basal thermometer again, but as for trying new medications, not right now.

Practicing a state of contentment and peaceful serenity as I enjoy each moment of today. This is the day I have been given, this is the body I have been given, this is the husband, the job, the home, the family, the season. What a gift it is to reflect on the things I do have, versus the things I don’t. It doesn’t take away the desire, but it helps me to see things as they are and allows me to move into a space of acceptance of my life, on life terms.

As I have been writing over the past few months, I have recognized that I’m not alone. There are many women who desire a baby and for one reason or another is not able to experience becoming pregnant (yet). To the single women who desire to meet their husband, to the married ladies who want to have a baby or who miss the single life, to the mothers who want another child or who miss their life without responsibility to a child…. There are always things we want to change about our current circumstances and the best thing we can do is encourage each other in the season we are in, at this moment.

So, I am grateful to be married to the love of my life and growing Kineo Life, my Life Purpose Coaching business. Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to coach other women who are going through similar heartaches.

I will continue to blog on my life and give updates on where I am with this process. We desire very much to grow our family and recognize that sometimes we have to let go before we can receive.

One thought on “Last Pill For a While

  1. Hilary, thanks for sharing your journey.
    Sounds like it’s been a long ‘season’ of questions….
    Please know you are on my prayer list and my heart
    is there with you, in obtaining your heart’s desires.
    God bless you,


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