Turkey Baster

The medication worked! We have 2 major follicles (19mm and 17mm) that are presenting strong and proud on the ultrasound screen.

We’re making a baby here folks!

Dr. G is happy with the results and scheduled our IUI for 4 days from now.

I’m not a patient person and was ready to give myself the trigger shot of HCG today and be ready to go in 2 days but am trusting Dr. G knows what he’s doing.

I’m thrilled! This cycle is not lost and we have a shot, even at twins, ha!

God, thank you for being so good to us. I trust that these extra 3 days were for your purpose and in your plan and give these next few days over to you.

(TMI ALERT)

I’m a little scared because tonight before bed I noticed my cervical mucus is stringy, like egg yolk. Everything I have read points this to mean that I’m on the verge of ovulation.

I pee on an Ovulation stick, an “O” stares back at me, meaning not ovulating.

Okay, maybe this is just pre-ovulation fluid, I try and convince myself.

I become a little upset that we aren’t triggering ovulation tonight in order to catch this timing correctly.

What do I know though? The only thing I know about this type of stuff is what I have read on Google and heard through my friends.

God, I trust you.

I say this over and over again, calming my fears.

I lay down to rest for the night… God, I trust you.


I wake up, pee on the stick, still an “O” starring at me. My mucus is still slick and I am a bit fearful that we’ve missed it. I can’t think about this though, I have to trust what the Dr. is saying.

The plan is to wake up at 1am tonight/tomorrow to give me the HCG trigger shot. It has to be administered 36-hours prior to the IUI appointment.

I’m less than thrilled.

The shot is a compact dose of HCG hormone. Vaccine_640.jpg

It sends heat through my body and I am overtaken with hormones.

I can’t go back to sleep.

I stay up for the next hour, reading.

God, how am I supposed to go to work tomorrow on such little sleep?

Oh my gosh, how am I going to have babies who need me in the middle of the night if I can’t even do this one time?

I am psyching myself out.

I take a deep breath.

I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

God, I trust in your timing and your plans. I trust that you know what is best for us and you know what our futures hold. I leave all these worries in your hands and will do what you have placed in front of me to do, today.


The IUI day is here.

I don’t know what to expect and am a bit fearful because I’m not experiencing any of the ovulation cramping I have in the past. This just feeds my fears that my ovulation window has passed and we are about to spend $400+ dollars on a procedure that is worthless because the egg has already come and gone.

How quickly I enter into the negativity.

It really doesn’t help me to be thinking this way or to be in fear.

I just don’t know how else to be in situations of unknown. I am changing my mind around to be in faith and trust that this is the perfect timing.

Hubby goes in at 11am for his contribution to this effort.

He signs some papers and labels what he needs to with his name and date of birth.

His part is done.

For the next 2 hours, the nurses clean it and test the swimmers. They take out all the swimmers who didn’t show up for the race and label each swimmer with a “0, 1, 2, or 3”- based on motility.

Only the “3’s” make it back into the tube.thin-test-tube.png

After sorting through all of them, they are ready for me.

I follow up at 1pm for my procedure.

I check in and am directed downstairs to receive the swimmers. I have to sign paperwork and double check that the labels all have the information of Hubby. They walk through the process of how they cleaned the swimmers and also showed me how they ensure that these swimmers in front of me are the same as Hubby.

I am impressed with the concise and thorough process of confirming that these swimmers are meant for me.

I head back upstairs with the swimmers in my hand. Not to shake them or tip the tube as they are all ready for me.

I’m scared that this is our one shot at it and it may already be unsuccessful just at the mere chance that the egg is gone.
I have to stop this thinking.

I choose to believe that there is an egg (or two) just getting ready to be released.

I choose to believe that there are swimmers at the ready.

It’s as though we are getting the two together at a party and saying, “here, meet each other”.

I’ve done all that I can.

What would help the most at this moment is for me to relax and take deep breaths. There’s nothing to fear, nothing to control, nothing that I can do to help anything more than what we’ve already done.

I just have to BE.

Calm, peaceful, hopeful.


What an experience.

I walk into the room with the nurses and they were so incredibly reassuring.

Praise God!

I spoke with the nurses and they don’t feel it’s too late.

In fact, they said the timing seems right on and to stop Googling!

There were two nurses helping with the efforts and although it was not the most enjoyable experience when the catheter is inserted, it’s wonderful to know those swimmers got all the way up there.

And now we wait, pray and trust.

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Wiping Tears

This week started out hopeful. After 10 days of the mega dose of Letrozole, I’m feeling as though there will be lots of little black circles staring at me on the ultrasound screen. I went to my OBGYN for the follicle check and there we have it folks, bundles of black circles! We have follicles!

None of them are large enough to force an ovulation so they put me on a low dose of Letrozole for 2 more days and ask me to return.


Two days later, I am hopeful there has been growth. Yet, when she checked, it was only slight. Take two more days of low dose Letrozole and return. The nurse also talked with us about planning for an Inter Uterine Insemination (IUI) a few days after this next check. An IUI involves placing sperm inside a woman’s uterus, by way of a catheter, to facilitate fertilization. The goal of IUI is to increase the number of sperm that reach the fallopian tubes and subsequently increase the chance of fertilization. To me, it’s like a turkey baster, squirting those swimmers up nice and close to where the egg should be.

I am getting excited and hopeful that my body is getting ready for this next step!


Here I am 2 days later, and I can’t believe that the follicles have decreased and my lining has thinned out.

What’s wrong with me that I can’t produce what I need to?

Why is this happening to me?
I have been concentrating so hard on eating the foods people say to eat, not working out too much, but still getting my blood going and circulation throughout my system. I have been napping almost every other day and taking things slow. Reading has become my new hobby and praying that God will bring us a miracle.

My eyes are leaking.c0224595b355ac7bc4b6c1b73cf08ad4--crying-eyes-sad-eyes.jpg

I can’t stop the overwhelm of emotion and the tightness in my chest.

I am just so sad that this is so hard for us.

Why God? What are you doing in this?

How am I supposed to learn from this and when will I grow stronger?

Isn’t that what people always say. It’s through the trials and hardships- the storms of life- that resilience and character are refined.

I’m all about learning life lessons, so what is this all about? Patience? Learning that I don’t always get what I want? Believing there is a bigger picture?

The pain is so strong; it overcomes my thoughts like a wave crashing over the rocks.

I have to let my tears roll down my face. No use trying to stop them.

I just want this pain and heartache to be over.

Why can’t we just get pregnant? Why does this have to be so hard?

I don’t know how many more cycles I can go through. This is hard on my body and my emotions.

I don’t want to give up now out of fear that we are quitting too early in the process.

I really thought this time would work. We amped up the dose of medication and the days that I was to take them, how could my follicles not have grown?

I just don’t understand and trying to make sense of any of it is too exhausting.

Tonight, I have to accept what is. There is no other way around it. I can’t change it.

I pray our doctor is learning more about my body through this and I also pray that I might see God and how he is working in and through me with this heartache.

As I have been writing, I get a call. “CCRM”.

Hello, I answer.

Hi, this is Gina from CCRM. I have some next steps for you.

“What?” I’m thinking. I thought we have missed the chance for this go around.

We are going to have you do 3 more days of Letrozole at the highest dose and have you check through an Ultrasound in 4 days.

I am relieved, overjoyed. This cycle is not too late!

I go skipping to the pharmacy to pick up the medication.

We are still in the game!