The Little Pea

The little white blur on the screen moves.

Hubby and I get the opportunity to see our little one for the first time.

Everything looks healthy!

She scans in and we can see the solid white line down the center of the white oval looking blob on the screen- the spinal cord.

Every second the blob pushes out a blimp from the oval shape and there we have the heart.

It is beating 145bps and we have a healthy, viable embryo growing inside of me.

I can’t believe what I am looking at on the screen.

More than that, I can’t believe that this little thing that has a heartbeat, that is beating without me having to do anything to make it do so, is inside of me.

This heartbeat, this life, is inside of me, right now.

How in the world?!

I can’t feel it and yet it is the size of a blueberry.

Little baby Maxee is measuring 6 weeks, 5 days (due date Aug 29, 2019).

Everything is right with the world.

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Miracle Grow

Hooray! A period comes and I am officially able to start my new cycle. What a relief that is to know that I get another opportunity to become pregnant.

I’ve been sensitive to the words I am choosing to use.

  • I talk about us going through fertility treatments as opposed to we are struggling with infertility.
  • I say that I ‘get’ to have a period to kick-start a new cycle as opposed to having to have a period which means we aren’t pregnant.
  • I remain hopeful for the journey to be an experience that will shape my character as opposed to a victim-fill, woe is me, this is so hard and why-is-it-happening-to-me type mentality.

I call my OBGYN and they get me in for an ultrasound. Everything looks clear and ready for a new round of Clomid.

Let’s do this!

My lining is still incredibly thin (what’s new there?) so they want me to up the dose of estrogen to two patches and begin on Day 10.

I also provoke the conversation around the dosage of Clomid. In my book, it needs to be increased. That is without medical training or understanding of the medication but what I know is I’m not yet pregnant and want to explore every option.

My OB takes a look at our last cycle and agrees. My follicle only grew to 20

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mm before they gave me the Trigger shot and for being on Clomid, that seems a bit sm

all to her.

The script read: 150mg of Clomid

Three chalky white pills a day for 5 days… miracle grow.

Grow follicles, grow!