Reaching a New Level

We aren’t messing around anymore.

These past two rounds have been insightful for Dr. G. and he is ready to pull out the big guns.

We begin 10 days of Letrozole, at 10mg/day, the highest dose he will prescribe.

I am actually a little excited at the possibility of what this will produce.

Let’s get these follicles growing!

Each cycle has become such a routine that I have grown accustomed to.

Day one, make an appointment with my OBGYN for an ultrasound.

Head to the local LabCorp and get a blood test to confirm I am not pregnant.

Pop into my OBGYN for the ultrasound, ensuring there is nothing funky growing inside of me from all the hormones and measure the uterine lining.

Check, check.

Day three, begin Letrozol.

Days three through twelve, endure breaking out, early bedtimes, afternoon naps.

Day twelve, follicle check and see what next steps are to be.

Learning how to take care of myself on a new level.

I am going to the gym this time around. I need to. My mind needs the oxygen and release of tension. My muscles need the weight and attention.

At the start of this cycle, I receive news that one of my closest, dearest friends is pregnant. I am overjoyed. My body exudes love and excitement for her.

I have no sorrow. Only joy and praise for the opportunity they have received to raise a little one.

My heart is shifting. I am not looking at myself. I do not have the heavy heart as I have experienced in the past. My excitement and praise for God’s miracle growing inside of her are overflowing.

What is going on? I love that this is how I feel.lightnessofbeing-2015-Dec16-300x189.jpg

I meet the new little baby girl of another friend. I get to hold her and express my excitement and joy for her to my friend.

Am I changing? What is shifting inside of me? Whatever it is, I really like it.

God, thank you for giving me this part of the journey to refine and grow me.

My rough edges are being smoothed and I trust how you are reshaping my heart and mind.

Continue to use this to make me a better person, a more loving friend, and a more faithful, trusting person is who you are and what you’re capable of, God.

I thank you for this heartache and let down as it’s shaping my journey so far.

So excited to see what you’re going to do in and through this!

May I be a vessel or light to reach others. God, use me and my story to help others.

The Place We Call Home

photo-1464146072230-91cabc968266I love driving around neighborhoods to see the different houses. The architecture, the colors, the landscape while imagining what the inside must be like. Recently, I have become familiar with Houz, a Pinterest type for homes showing pictures of all areas of a home including the materials used in the pictures (paint type/color, etc.). It gives me insights into the various tastes and home decorating ideas people are drawn to today.

When we were looking for a house, we toured in and out of multiple houses all that had individual characteristics and facets that made them unique. Once settling on our house, we began changing the inside to match our personalities and to decorate the walls with our ideas. It has been a huge undertaking, and little by slow this house built in the 1950’s has grown into the place we call home.

So what makes a house (a foundation, walls, a roof) a home?

It is the personalized touches that demonstrate the personalities of the people who live there. The scented candles, the colors on the wall, the pictures of special moments, the ‘life’ within the house. The serene space I come back to after a full day of being ‘out there’ in the world of work, interactions and discomfort. A space that is welcoming to others and remains a consistent place of safety.

At the deeper level, I feel a home is where I can refuel my soul, and work on anything that I need to repair in my thoughts, behaviors or emotions. My home is the place where I can build my life.

Build your life on the firm foundation of true gratitude to God for all His blessings and true humility because of your unworthiness of these blessings. Build your frame of your life out of self-discipline; not allowing yourself to become lazy or selfish or contented with yourself. Build the walls of your life out of service to others, helping them find their way in life. Build your roof out of prayer and quiet times, waiting for God’s guidance from above. Build the garden around your life out of peace of mind and serenity and a sure faith. -Twenty-Four Hours A Day


How often to I protect my home from the outside world of negativity, busy-ness, materialism, jealousy…? I must admit, it’s a practice to clear my mind and habits of ‘junk’ and let my day go when I return home. What motivates me is a desire for a safe-haven. A place to retreat to from the world, and a place to find solace in the midst of productivity and the ‘going’ pace around me. Intentionally leaving my work at my work and praying for God to come make this place one of rejuvenation.

What are some ways you have made your house, a home?